Your family is growing! Perhaps you’ve announced on social media that your child is soon to be crowned “Big Brother” or “Big Sister.” This time is so exciting! BUT… you may catch yourself wondering: “How will I prepare for baby number 2? How will I help my toddler adjust to the new baby? How will I introduce the new baby to their sibling?” I know it feels like a lot. But, these are normal feelings as you transition from one baby to two (or three or four). Let me reassure you: “You DO have what it takes to handle your growing family!”
How and when you tell your toddler about getting a new baby sibling truly depends on your family. There is no right or wrong answer, so do what feels right for you! Here are a few things to keep in mind as you decide:
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When planning to tell your child about a new baby, remember to consider your child’s age and maturity. If you have a 3-4 year old, she’ll have an easier time understanding than a much younger toddler.
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You may want to consider waiting to share the news with your toddler until you are showing. Your growing belly can be helpful in explaining the change that is happening.
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On the other hand, if you’re having physical symptoms early in your pregnancy, you may want to tell your child what’s happening sooner. Explain what you’re experiencing and feeling in a way that doesn’t place blame on the growing baby.
There’s no perfect, universal way to tell a child they’re going to have a new brother or sister. Consider your child’s context for babies. Is he around babies all the time? Maybe it’s as simple as telling him that we’re going to have a new baby just like his best friend. Is she the youngest child she knows? Maybe a baby doll or talking about a show or book that includes a baby is a good way to start the conversation.
Let your child know in an age-appropriate way how important and special it is to be an older sibling. Use words like “our baby” – instead of “my baby” – to help your child see their connection to the new baby brother or sister.
It’s normal to see a range of emotions with the announcement of a new baby – especially with older toddlers or preschoolers. Your child’s reaction may be happiness, anger, tears, or confusion. It’s all new, and your child may need some time to adjust. If your child is under 3, little or no reaction can be normal since they may not understand the news.
If you are going to make a big announcement or have a party/shower with your family and friends, I would recommend making your toddler as involved as possible in the process!
Truthfully parents, my children have age gaps ranging from 12 months to almost 4 years, and I can say with confidence: the perfect age gap is the one you have. Simply put, life happens, and though we may have an “ideal” age gap in mind, “perfect” timing is rarely within our control.
Let me share with you a few practical tips for the age gap you’re about to experience:
Under 2 years apart:
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Start with a great sleeper. If your child’s sleep is a struggle while you’re expecting, make that a priority now.
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Keep your older one in the crib. Transitioning out of the crib too early is a big cause of toddler sleep concerns.
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Understand that when you have 2 under 2, your little ones may be on opposite schedules.
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Know that it may feel really tough in the beginning, but it gets really good.
2 or 3 years apart:
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Start with a great sleeper. If your child’s sleep is a struggle while you’re expecting, make that a priority now.
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Consider keeping your older one in the crib if it’s still safe. Transitioning out of the crib too early is a big cause of toddler sleep concerns.
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Parents often feel pressure to potty train during this time. If your child is not showing signs of readiness, don’t let this add to your stress as you prepare for a new baby. Know that if your toddler is already potty trained, some regressions can be expected after a new baby arrives.
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Weaning the pacifier is a common transition at this age as well. We don’t want your child to feel like ditching the pacifier is connected to their new sibling, so try to plan for this at least 3 months before or at least 3 months after the baby’s arrival.
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Teach your child about baby safety. We don’t want to put blankets or toys in the baby’s crib or bassinet. We also don’t share food or small toys with the baby.
4 years or more apart:
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Start with a great sleeper. If your child’s sleep is a struggle while you’re expecting, make that a priority now.
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Involve your older child in preparing for the arrival of their new sibling. Maybe they help decorate the nursery or help pick out a special outfit for coming home from the hospital.
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Check with your local hospital for sibling classes, and have your child watch parts of the newborn class with you. These can be a great confidence boost for your older child.
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Teach your child about baby safety. We don’t want to put blankets or toys in the baby’s crib or bassinet. We also don’t share food or small toys with the baby.
One of the most important steps you can do to prepare your child for a new baby is to involve them as much as possible in baby prep. Ask for their opinions about the nursery decor, baby names, clothing, or special toys. Any opportunity for your older child to feel included sets them up for a more smooth transition.
I do recommend trying to avoid any big changes in the 3 months before or 3 months after the new baby sibling’s arrival. Becoming an older sibling is a big change, so minimizing other changes will be so helpful. Do your best to avoid moving to a toddler bed, eliminating the pacifier, beginning daycare, or starting to potty train during this period if at possible. Often, these can wait until your family is a bit more adjusted to the baby.
Another way to prepare your child for a new sibling is to maintain routines as much as you can. Toddlers and young children crave consistency, and this will help them feel safe and secure.
You may also want to read age-appropriate books about the arrival of a new baby or having a baby in the home.
First, prepare older siblings by telling them about what to expect when they meet their baby brother or sister. Describe what babies are like: “our baby will be tiny,” “our baby may be sleepy when you meet them,” “our baby might cry and that’s okay.”
Next, make sure they understand where and how they can touch their baby sibling. For example, encourage gentle hands and kisses on the baby’s feet instead of the baby’s face. If one of your children is old enough to hold the baby and has expressed an interest, discuss the importance of hand-washing and demonstrate how to safely hold the baby.
Some families like to have their children “exchange gifts.” Maybe the older child gives their new baby a handmade card, and the baby gives their older sibling a new baby doll.
Follow your child’s cues and desires during these new sibling introductions, and try not to express disappointment if your older child doesn’t react exactly as you hoped or imagined.
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